“Hey, I said get out! Dammit, shut the fucking door behind you!” Jeffery barked at me from behind his laptop. Since the beginning of the week, this is the fifth time he’s asking me to leave his room and today is only Wednesday. I left with my half eaten pack of rice and backpack. I’m used to his offensive and abusive remarks. It’s my fault. I brought it upon myself. I shouldn’t have laughed when Derrick teased him. I’m his girlfriend and that was wrong. It doesn’t matter if Derrick is his best friend and he was just joking. I shouldn’t have laughed with Derrick, period. I stood behind the door hoping that he’ll try to call me back at least. But, he didn’t. I was sorry.
I could hear both of them laughing loudly over Big Sean’s music. It’s okay for Derrick to tease and laugh at him but I can’t? Fine, noted. Three years ago, he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Jeffery Bilson was there when I needed him. He understood my depression and helped me through my anxiety. He told me he loved me and was going to jump life’s hurdles with me. You know… like be my other half. Today, he doesn’t care that I’m still eating my food. He doesn’t care that it’s late and my room is in the hostel at the other side of the university. He kicked me out without batting an eyelid.
Everyone keeps asking me why I still hold on, even him. It’s hard to let go after so long. It’s too difficult, honestly. I have stopped talking to my sister because of him and my roommates think I’m an idiot for love. Sometimes, this is too much for me. One time, he told me to fuck off when I asked him if I could visit. It’s my fault because I asked when he had just gotten back from seeing his doctor. He was tired and stressed out. I was stupid for asking. A month ago, I started texting his friend, Jess, and we became friends. He got angry when he found out and didn’t talk to me for a week. I should have asked for his permission first, my bad. So many insignificant things annoy him now and I’m beginning to lose count of the things I should and shouldn’t do. I believe it’s the stress of being in university. High School was easier to handle.
Before I realised, I was crying into the food. The salt wasn’t enough anyway. My throat was suddenly dry and I was beginning to lose my appetite. It’s been two hours now and he still hasn’t called me back or texted. I’m going to sit in the lobby and hope that he texts me. Shuffling my feet and taking little bites of the fish on top of the rice, I descended the staircase.
I know someone going through this and it’s unbelievable how people get so attached. Verbal and emotional abuse is as serious as physical abuse. There are people who can’t seem to take themselves out of such toxic relationships. They get angry when people try to talk them out of it and make it difficult for anyone to help them. I wrote this because I don’t know how to help and I’ll appreciate it if anyone can give me advice down below. Btw, I’ll also be going on a semi-hiatus lol. I wouldn’t be posting regularly and wouldn’t be reading your posts as well. I have exams to write and will catch up with you guys later. x
Thanks for reading.
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